I know, and maybe many readers have heard of it as well, Jewish-Palestinian couples usually always have a hard time, and few succeed to stay together. Pressure from our social environment and from our families are too often too big. Right a few days ago I spoke with a young man in Jerusalem about his story with a Jewish girl – that lasted a year until she gave in to her family pressuring her. There are studies made about the matter.

Yet, what I’m going through is surely one of the toughest stories. I don’t know yet how long our love-story will be allowed to last, but both of know that we have no future – absolutely none. We could (theoretically) stay together – but ONLY theoretically. The pressures we would have to resist would be much too big. Especially for him.

As it often happens, we met by accident and didn’t expect to fall in love at all – as we both know that the differences in our cultures, our background and our surroundings are way too big. But it happened nevertheless.

I’m Israeli having immigrated a long time ago from somewhere in Europe. He – I won’t say much about him, for obvious reasons – was born and grew up in the West Bank. I met him at the house of a common friend, in a place where I wasn’t supposed to be at all – according to the restrictions I am supposed to follow. But as I said before, I don’t care much about these inhuman and senseless restrictions of Area A, B, C. In fact, I don’t think they have any real legal basis – they are based on a military order and, what does it mean to divide a country into areas where one is allowed or not allowed to go? Basically I think that “legally” speaking all this is not more than a joke.

The Wall is a bit less “a joke”. To cross it without a permit when you’re Palestinian can be very costly. It can be a death sentence, if you’re caught on the fact and the Border Policeman is in a mood to shoot at you. It can simply cost you some kicks from some BP’s who catch you (and are in “good mood”) and a lift back to the other side of the Wall – to “your” side = to the West Bank. Or it can cost you month or years of prison, depending if you have been caught before and in which situation you are caught again.

Nevertheless, hundreds of Palestinians (maybe thousands, I don’t know the statistics about this) cross the Wall/Fence all the time to come to work in Israel. There is little work in Palestine, and even if the “illegal workers” will work here (= in Israel) in conditions that equal slavery and for a salary that seems unbelievably low to any Israeli – it’s still worth the risk for many.

So I had met him in forbidden territory for me. We had merely exchanged a few words about a common interest. That had been IT. But a few month later I suddenly got a phone call from him telling me that he was here in Jerusalem, working – illegally – and that he would like to meet me, simply because he didn’t know anyone else in Jerusalem, and then there was our common interest, about which it was worth to speak.

I took me a while to find the right time to meet him, also because he was very limited in his movements… He works 12 hours a day for a salary that was 4 times lower than the minimum salary legal for Israelis, without even counting the fact that 12 hours/day 7 days a week isn’t legal for Israelis either. And, most of all, he wasn’t supposed to leave his place of work AT ALL, the risk of being controlled routinely for “the color” of his ID (a blue ID being an Israeli ID, a green ID being a Palestinian ID and the holder needs to have a permit for being on Israeli territory) card being very high.

Border Police routinely controls ID’s in East Jerusalem’s public transport, in the streets of East Jerusalem, and in some places in West Jerusalem known for being frequented by “Arabs”, like Jaffa Rd. and it’s surroundings. Anyway – “Arabs” = Palestinians with Israeli citizenship or, in Jerusalem, with the “blue” ID and the special status of residents of Jerusalem are routinely stopped and controlled. Something that NEVER happens to Jewish Israelis.

Nevertheless, he is young and unable to stay for weeks and month confined in a house. So he took the risk to meet me in a place that we thought of as relatively safe. We met several times, our common interest guiding us to deep discussions until… well, one day, we discovered that we were attracted to each other and in love…

It would be a wonderful love-story which has been ongoing now for more than half a year – if he wasn’t here without a permit. We are bold, courageous – or one could say: “crazy” – once a week (in general) he comes to my flat where he stays for 24 hours, having succeed to get “one day off per week” from his employer (e.g. slavemaster).

Risk is everywhere. His employer risks a large fine for employing Palestinians without permit. I already spoke about the risks he exposes himself to. And I too, I risk a huge fine, maybe jail, if he was caught in my house. I’m sure that not many do what we are doing. The risks are just too high – normally. But unfortunately we really love each other and can’t just “forget” and stay away from each other.

And there seems to be no solution for us. God only knows how our love-story will end. Because we both know it is bound to end somehow.

While I am relatively free (except for the very serious legal troubles I risk), he is not. If he returns to the West Bank our relation is finished. He’d automatically return to his family and not only his family (which in Palestinian society comprises not only father, mother and siblings, but tons of cousins, uncles and the like as well) wouldn’t approve of our relation and force him to leave me, it is also illegal in Palestine for unmarried couples to meet. – Palestine is not Israel and is far from being Europe, where I grew up and which constitutes my cultural background – and marriage is excluded in advance by the pressure from his family.

You’re thinking of West Side Story or Romeo and Juliette? – One of my friends made this reference once in hearing our story. To be true, it doesn’t even make me smile – because actually it’s very close to such literature. It doesn’t make me smile because THIS is not literature, but my life.

The only solution would be that he finds work WITH permit – which is next to impossible under the present government and policies.

So no solution?
I don’t know. Truly, sometimes I hope for a miracle.
I often imagine that they (= the police, the Border Police) finds us. I know what will happen to him – 3 month of military jail at the least. And for me? I don’t really know – until now I did not have the courage to try to find out what exactly I risk, I just know that it’s much.

I imagine myself in court. My crime: having given shelter to a Palestinian without permit = automatically a terror-suspect. Having given shelter to an enemy. I have no illusions. The fact that he couldn’t kill a fly wouldn’t count AT ALL, because the role of these laws, as well as the role of the Separation Fence/Wall is not to prevent terror (as it is officially pretended), but to keep Palestinians out of Israel. My crime therefore is treason.

Being in love and wanting to live with a Palestinian is treason to the Jewish Israel.
And there aren’t many more serious crimes in this country – if at all…

I will be the first to confess that I lived a pretty sheltered live. I am the only daughter of a upper middle class academic family, and despite living in a conflict area- I’ve been lucky then the majority of the people that live here. I guess because of that I always had problems to step out of my comfort zone, I am not a naturally brave or spontaneous person- that’s way my visit to Bethlehem a week ago was such a surprise.
About a month ago Mazin Qumsiyeh (http://qumsiyeh.org) left a massage on Mepeace, inviting people to visit him in Bethlehem , I decided to jump on the opportunity- and try and see the situation in the ‘other‘ side. Of course it took me about a month to have the courage to finally call a friend from Me peace , and go on a daily visit to Bethlehem.
Now I can’t say it was an easy step to make- there is a lot of fear when it comes to a visit like that. Both sides has been separated for so long- that most of us only get the bad picture when it comes to the other side- our leaders have been so busy demonizing the other side, that most Israeli and Palestinians only met each other on bad circumstances. My automatic reaction to the West Bank cities is a negative one- mainly of fear. I still have memories of the 2nd intefada, and they are not very pleasant.
But I decided to go for it, and tighter with my friend Eva- we ventured forward 10 minutes from my house into unknown territory.
I won’t write everything we saw, some stuff affected me more some stuff less.
But I must say that the most important thing for me- and what influenced me the most (and helped changed my prospective on the conflict) is seeing the Wall. How it cuts people live, how it prevented people from living in their houses (cause they are behind the wall)… but what struck me the most is the graffiti written all over the wall- how the wall became a a place to vent your fastrations , and your artistic ambitions… how the wall became one big peace of art- and a beautiful one… very similar to the Berlin wall…
Thankfully all walls must fall- and I hope this one will as well… and soon!!!

I immigrated to this country 12 years ago, as an adult, with 2 babies. I did it for “Zionist” reasons – not to “settle the land” beyond the Green Line, but because I wanted to live in a Jewish environment and saw many advantages in living here, concerning this goal.

So, for ten years I lived here as a completely “regular” Israeli, having doubts about my governments policies, but no big contestation or no big questioning. Essentially I believed what most Israelis believe: That we were “only” defending ourselves against Arab/Palestinians aggressions. That our army was doing it’s best to be “human”, despite all the adversity and all the atrocities committed by the enemy. That our Secret Service was here to protect us (Israelis) and doing it’s best as well to be as “human” as possible.

I was proven wrong.

By whom?
By the Secret Service itself.

I cannot enter in detail into what happened to me in a completely surprising and unexpected way – you’ll have to take my word for what I say about this.

On a bright summer morning in June 2006, I woke up unusually early, and more unusually, I got up and went straight to my computer. From one minute to another (actually it took about half an hour) I, who until then was a completely “innocent”, “naive” and good willing Israeli mother, was thrown right into the middle of the conflict in a way that very few people are able to grasp.

I did nothing wrong, nothing at all. In my own eyes – and in the eyes of all those who know about it – what I did was something I just had to do and was good for both sides (not kidding).

What I had found on my computer made me see immense humanity in my “enemy”. This has forever changed my life. I did a lot of personal inquiry about who and how and why – sometimes even in anger, because this event has had many very serious and very unpleasant consequences for me. Nevertheless, I’m forever thankful for what happened – it made me see the deepest humanity I ever saw in my life – except for history books and accounts of events that didn’t touch me directly.

Naturally I was questionned how and why and so on – how I came into this position – and truly, I was warmly thanked for the tiny little thing I had done, that finally didn’t matter very much in the course of history. Yet, I was told that my action had been good and courageous.

Fine – but what happened next was that my privacy was violated completely and the real “thank you” was nothing but abuse.

It was then that I realized that “something was wrong”: That if I, the perfect Zionist Israeli citzen, was “thanked” in such an abusive way (although what I received as “abuse” was tiny compared to what Palestinians usually get), how must it be for a Palestinian “suspect”?

It was then that I began to investigate and have a closer look into what was going on, as I call it “on the other side of the Wall”.

This was more than 2 years ago. I slowly got in contact with “real Palestinians” – meaning that I met and talked to Israeli Arabs and Palestinians and learned to understand their perception, their feelings and what actually was “going on” on their side.

I found out that Palestinians where not the “devils” as they are seen in mainstream Israeli minds. I naively thought that by telling my friends and colleagues about my “discovery” I would bring them “good news”.

The complete opposite happened.

While these people had known me for 10 years, liked/loved me and trusted me, in very little time I was categorized as “crazy”, “manipulated” and the like. Most friends dropped me completely. One of my bosses, a very educated and intelligent man, officially left-wing, told me (I quote, because I’ll never forget that sentence!!): “But Eva, what happened to you? A normal Israeli doesn’t know any Arabs!”

In the meantime I have learned that indeed, I’m not “normal” any more.

About 95% of all Jewish Israelis never talked (deeply and on a basis of mutal respect) to any Palestinians in their whole life. Palestinians almost don’t exist in the life of “regular” Israelis. “They” are somewhere – in Gaza, in Jenin – just thinking of how best to kill us. I’m barely exaggerating – I’m talking about what “regular” Israelis think. (I’ve written a report about this matter, called “From Jerusalem to Auschwitz”).

Yet, as Israeli living where I do, I am subjected to exactly the same conditions as all my Israeli neighbors. Terrorist do not distinguish between a “good Israeli” or a “bad Israeli” when they’re out to kill.

I, my husband and my children travel on public busses in Jerusalem every day. We go to malls, we go to the pedestrian streets, we go to movies – we live here, every single day. Many people I know have bought cars just to avoid to take busses. I never could afford a car, and will not be able to buy one in the near future.

My and my husbands bus line goes through ALL the main and “favorite” spots for terrorist attacks. Even the next to last “bulldozer attack” was on a bus station I use many times. It’s been more than once that I’ve (Thank God!) escaped a bombing by a minute – once it was not more than 30 seconds. Our bus left the station at French Hill station, moved away, and right behind us, a young woman blew herself up in the remaining crowd.

French Hill Junction has been the target of at least 15 attacks in the 12 years I’ve been living here, and I have to go with my bus line EVERY DAY through that junction.

The father of a friend of mine was killed in a bus bombing at French Hill Junction in exactly MY bus line – the one I need to take to get to town at all. My bus goes through Jaffa road, through the spots where 4 busses have been blown up within a few weeks in 1996. My bus passes Machane Yehuda Market, where I often stop to do some shopping.

If I would make a list of people I know who have been killed or wounded in such attacks, and of friends of friends I know very well, this list would be long.

In not many years, my two children will have to join the army. I would love to stop this war as soon as possible. I would say that I would love to stop it “yesterday”.

So – when someone on mepeace or anywhere else tells me that in claiming for basic Justice for Palestinians to obtain the Peace (means non-violence) that Israelis need I’m inciting and calling for War, I slightly get “mad” (sometimes ).

In these two years of investigating what is going on “on the other side of the Wall”, I’ve seen too many almost unbelievable abuses of basic rights of civilians (not “fighters” in any way). I’ve learned about incredible injustices, witnessed never imagined racism and more and more.

While I can’t judge what has been done or not in the past – I admit that this whole issue is way to complex and complicated to come to any clear conclusion – I can see what is going on now.

And whatever others say or believe – and while I am totally aware of Quassams falling on Sderot and all other violences committed – even among Palestinians themselves – I came to the conclusion that there is – now – a very clear inequality of power.

That – now, at present – there is, as someone said in a discussion, a bully and a victim, that there is an abuser and an abused. The abuser may have all the reasons in the world for having become what he is – he’s still an abuser.

I believe that Israel is the “one” in power – much more in power than Palestinians. That Israel must do the first step to stop this completely inequal situation. That the human rights abuses must stop. That justice and basic rights for Palestinian civilians must be restored.

I never claimed that Israel should stop to defend itself against real aggressions, but it must stop to aggress those who do NOT aggress us.

There is extremely little knowledge within the Israeli public about what is “really” going on on “the other side of the Wall”. As I said before, only about 5% of all Israelis ever had any serious contact with a Palestinian. (I’m quoting Gershon Baskin from his introduction to the first IPCRI work-shop I attended).

And here are two pieces of evidence:

You see, Muslims don’t have a problem with Israel, according to Bibi. And Iranians will be happy when they know they have Israeli support, according to Eyal. According to both these right and left-wingers it’s only the Muslim leaders who have a problem with Israel. If only those governments could be changed everything would be BLISSFUL here in the Middle East. The Muslims – Arab, Turkish, Persian – all love us. If it weren’t for a few party-poopers (Hezbollah, Ayatollahs, Baathists, and the Palestinians who give us a really bad name) we would be skiing in the mountains of Lebanon, bargaining in the great souq of Damascus, and buying laptops and digital cameras in Dubai.

Nothing Israel has ever done and nothing Israel can or will do has anything to do with what people think of the Jewish state, according to many Jews, Israeli and not-Israeli. IT’S ALL ABOUT THEM. The only thing separating Israel and Iran from the WONDERFUL DAYS of the Shah when 1700 Israelis lived in Tehran, El-Al flew daily to and fro, and Israeli businessman made millions of dollars from trade, is Khamenei and Friends. If just Ahmedinejad et-al would go away we would be carpet shopping in Isfahan again.

Oh. So Mousavi, the presidential candidate leading the protests, is also from the Islamic revolutionaries? Well, so what. If he can get the government to make a new election, then maybe he can change everything. And then, you know, we’ll become FAST-FRIENDS. Because we have so much in common. Look how they fight for their freedom. Didn’t we fight for ours? Against the Romans? In the Warsaw Ghetto? And to make Israel in 1948? As Bibi told NBC’s “Meet the Press” on Sunday, “I have no doubt everybody in the world is sympathetic to the Iranians’ desire for freedom.” We certainly are. Did you see that video of Neda, who was shot in the chest? The Iranians are victims. We can really relate to that. We’ve got a couple thousand years of experience in that role.

Oh. The Palestinians’ desire for freedom? Aren’t they VICTIMS, you ask? Don’t they go out every Friday to protest in Na’alin and Bilin against their land being confiscated and they get shot in the chest, too – um, by us? Well, it’s all about location. Location. Location. Location. (If they were in Africa we would be very sympathetic.)

Oh. You say it’s not just the Ayatollahs who are upset that we made a state here on the land of their Muslim brothers and continue to oppress the Palestinians? You mean the Iranian citizens also feel bad when they see on TV or read in Ha’aretz how we humiliate, harass, hurt, and kill innocent Palestinians throughout our 42-year military occupation of the West Bank and Gaza? But we had such great relations with the Iranians when the Shah was around. Like Bibi said, “under a different regime, the friendly relations that prevailed in the past could be restored.”

Eyal, the left-winger, says to me that he wants Iranians to know that there are Israelis here who support their cause.

Yes, I say, but that doesn’t HELP them, because we are their ENEMY. Don’t you see, Eyal, they are scared of US? We threaten them all the time. It will hurt their cause – not help – it if it’s known their sworn enemy supports them. Cancel the rally, I implore (Only about 10 people showed up Saturday night. Not sure if it’s because he heeded my advice.)

In a Facebook discussion with H., an American-Israeli journalist here, I explain that there’s little difference between Israeli and Iranian desires for each others regimes. They don’t like each other and they want the other destroyed, I write on his wall. No, writes back H., “Israel has no problem with ‘Islamic’ regimes – witness Pakistan, Mauritania, etc. – only with Iran’s specifically anti-Israel regime.”

What Bibi, Eyal, and H. don’t realize is that the Iranian people won’t like us no matter who is their leader and we cannot wish for their freedom and at the same time expect that ‘free’ government to not be anti-Israel. Only a Muslim dictator under heavy US influence (e.g. Pakistan and Iran under the Shah), or in a country unable to deal with more wars (Jordan and Egypt) will be on speaking terms with the State of Israel.

Muslim attitudes towards Israel can change. I saw it among Egyptians during the euphoria immediately after Ehud Barak won the elections and everyone thought he would follow in the footsteps of Yitzhak Rabin z”l. For that to happen Jewish Israelis need to first acknowledge that Israel’s brutal and oppressive actions against the Palestinians DO AFFECT other Arabs and Muslims views on Israel.

So while Israelis pray for the Iranian protesters in green, Israelis should also focus on ending the injustices we commit against a people who also want freedom and a state to represent them. Otherwise, we’ll never ever be able to bargain for carpets in Isfahan.

This blog entry first appeared here.