I am Israeli and I am Jewish.

I immigrated to this country 12 years ago, as an adult, with 2 babies. I did it for “Zionist” reasons – not to “settle the land” beyond the Green Line, but because I wanted to live in a Jewish environment and saw many advantages in living here, concerning this goal.

So, for ten years I lived here as a completely “regular” Israeli, having doubts about my governments policies, but no big contestation or no big questioning. Essentially I believed what most Israelis believe: That we were “only” defending ourselves against Arab/Palestinians aggressions. That our army was doing it’s best to be “human”, despite all the adversity and all the atrocities committed by the enemy. That our Secret Service was here to protect us (Israelis) and doing it’s best as well to be as “human” as possible.

I was proven wrong.

By whom?
By the Secret Service itself.

I cannot enter in detail into what happened to me in a completely surprising and unexpected way – you’ll have to take my word for what I say about this.

On a bright summer morning in June 2006, I woke up unusually early, and more unusually, I got up and went straight to my computer. From one minute to another (actually it took about half an hour) I, who until then was a completely “innocent”, “naive” and good willing Israeli mother, was thrown right into the middle of the conflict in a way that very few people are able to grasp.

I did nothing wrong, nothing at all. In my own eyes – and in the eyes of all those who know about it – what I did was something I just had to do and was good for both sides (not kidding).

What I had found on my computer made me see immense humanity in my “enemy”. This has forever changed my life. I did a lot of personal inquiry about who and how and why – sometimes even in anger, because this event has had many very serious and very unpleasant consequences for me. Nevertheless, I’m forever thankful for what happened – it made me see the deepest humanity I ever saw in my life – except for history books and accounts of events that didn’t touch me directly.

Naturally I was questionned how and why and so on – how I came into this position – and truly, I was warmly thanked for the tiny little thing I had done, that finally didn’t matter very much in the course of history. Yet, I was told that my action had been good and courageous.

Fine – but what happened next was that my privacy was violated completely and the real “thank you” was nothing but abuse.

It was then that I realized that “something was wrong”: That if I, the perfect Zionist Israeli citzen, was “thanked” in such an abusive way (although what I received as “abuse” was tiny compared to what Palestinians usually get), how must it be for a Palestinian “suspect”?

It was then that I began to investigate and have a closer look into what was going on, as I call it “on the other side of the Wall”.

This was more than 2 years ago. I slowly got in contact with “real Palestinians” – meaning that I met and talked to Israeli Arabs and Palestinians and learned to understand their perception, their feelings and what actually was “going on” on their side.

I found out that Palestinians where not the “devils” as they are seen in mainstream Israeli minds. I naively thought that by telling my friends and colleagues about my “discovery” I would bring them “good news”.

The complete opposite happened.

While these people had known me for 10 years, liked/loved me and trusted me, in very little time I was categorized as “crazy”, “manipulated” and the like. Most friends dropped me completely. One of my bosses, a very educated and intelligent man, officially left-wing, told me (I quote, because I’ll never forget that sentence!!): “But Eva, what happened to you? A normal Israeli doesn’t know any Arabs!”

In the meantime I have learned that indeed, I’m not “normal” any more.

About 95% of all Jewish Israelis never talked (deeply and on a basis of mutal respect) to any Palestinians in their whole life. Palestinians almost don’t exist in the life of “regular” Israelis. “They” are somewhere – in Gaza, in Jenin – just thinking of how best to kill us. I’m barely exaggerating – I’m talking about what “regular” Israelis think. (I’ve written a report about this matter, called “From Jerusalem to Auschwitz”).

Yet, as Israeli living where I do, I am subjected to exactly the same conditions as all my Israeli neighbors. Terrorist do not distinguish between a “good Israeli” or a “bad Israeli” when they’re out to kill.

I, my husband and my children travel on public busses in Jerusalem every day. We go to malls, we go to the pedestrian streets, we go to movies – we live here, every single day. Many people I know have bought cars just to avoid to take busses. I never could afford a car, and will not be able to buy one in the near future.

My and my husbands bus line goes through ALL the main and “favorite” spots for terrorist attacks. Even the next to last “bulldozer attack” was on a bus station I use many times. It’s been more than once that I’ve (Thank God!) escaped a bombing by a minute – once it was not more than 30 seconds. Our bus left the station at French Hill station, moved away, and right behind us, a young woman blew herself up in the remaining crowd.

French Hill Junction has been the target of at least 15 attacks in the 12 years I’ve been living here, and I have to go with my bus line EVERY DAY through that junction.

The father of a friend of mine was killed in a bus bombing at French Hill Junction in exactly MY bus line – the one I need to take to get to town at all. My bus goes through Jaffa road, through the spots where 4 busses have been blown up within a few weeks in 1996. My bus passes Machane Yehuda Market, where I often stop to do some shopping.

If I would make a list of people I know who have been killed or wounded in such attacks, and of friends of friends I know very well, this list would be long.

In not many years, my two children will have to join the army. I would love to stop this war as soon as possible. I would say that I would love to stop it “yesterday”.

So – when someone on mepeace or anywhere else tells me that in claiming for basic Justice for Palestinians to obtain the Peace (means non-violence) that Israelis need I’m inciting and calling for War, I slightly get “mad” (sometimes ).

In these two years of investigating what is going on “on the other side of the Wall”, I’ve seen too many almost unbelievable abuses of basic rights of civilians (not “fighters” in any way). I’ve learned about incredible injustices, witnessed never imagined racism and more and more.

While I can’t judge what has been done or not in the past – I admit that this whole issue is way to complex and complicated to come to any clear conclusion – I can see what is going on now.

And whatever others say or believe – and while I am totally aware of Quassams falling on Sderot and all other violences committed – even among Palestinians themselves – I came to the conclusion that there is – now – a very clear inequality of power.

That – now, at present – there is, as someone said in a discussion, a bully and a victim, that there is an abuser and an abused. The abuser may have all the reasons in the world for having become what he is – he’s still an abuser.

I believe that Israel is the “one” in power – much more in power than Palestinians. That Israel must do the first step to stop this completely inequal situation. That the human rights abuses must stop. That justice and basic rights for Palestinian civilians must be restored.

I never claimed that Israel should stop to defend itself against real aggressions, but it must stop to aggress those who do NOT aggress us.

There is extremely little knowledge within the Israeli public about what is “really” going on on “the other side of the Wall”. As I said before, only about 5% of all Israelis ever had any serious contact with a Palestinian. (I’m quoting Gershon Baskin from his introduction to the first IPCRI work-shop I attended).